Friendship and freedom seem to go hand in hand. The freedom to say whatever you want to without being afraid of being judged, asking stupid questions and receiving equally stupid answers, calling up anytime of the day and night for the silliest things. The most beautiful, comforting and reliable zone – friendship! It is cherished because of the freedom it offers.
Yet, considering how complicated human behavior can be, we end up falling in pattern. Yes, we form a pattern for the freedom. Anything out of that box is labeled as “changed behavior” or even “betrayal”! Statements like ‘I like to accept my friends the away they are’ are in trend. But just there! These things are hardly applied in practical relationships. We have standard frames: cool people, studious ones, the fashionable chicks, the senti dude, serious types, fakes, bitches and even the stepping stones, if nothing from these then weirdos! Yes, we do. Every person we meet has to fit in some or the other frame.
In our boundaries for freedom, we have a detailed list of rights and wrongs! I am not supporting the anti-social fellas trying to destroy the mankind or killing humanity in their attempt to attain peace. I am just trying to understand why it is difficult for us to accept people the way they are without being judgmental? I believe in a simple theory that every single thing in the universe is there for a reason. Implying, we simply need to let things be.
How much ever I want to and try to, I may not be able practice this theory most of the times (thanks to the habits and standard behavior I have imbibed all my life) and end up judging people but then once I am back to my senses I let it go. I explain this to myself that we humans are continuously controlled by dynamic emotions. Do we have something called “standardized emotions”? We, at least, try to have those.
The cycle of act-expect-react-retrace/recuperate!
We have a brilliant mechanism of expectations and standardization! If someone cares for you then you have to be able to reciprocate or you don’t respect the caring gesture. Well, the point is, is the other person expecting the same thing from you? A person may not always do something to get something in return. It may be just the way they are! We just need to accept the fact.
Yes, there are some awesome personalities who form genuine friendships with all types of people, be open and proud about it. Hats off to those! Because it is a challenge, considering the framed psychology in our society, to openly accept the kind of friends you hang around with. I think it takes some guts to form genuine friendships with some people. But we can’t neglect the fact that all people are the way they are because of some or the other reason. There are some golden hearted persons out there who can be friends with someone who fakes himself.
We have, may be unconsciously, a list of characteristics for each type. May be, every one of us has his own, customized list, but we do have it. If we accept someone being studious he must be the one with thick glasses, a stack of books nearby, introverted, and knowing the technical intricacies of some rocket science. If this person happens to be a socialite, then we label him as fake. Or simply throw some demeaning skeptical looks at him. If a friendly person happens to be impulsive, outspoken, and stupid (yes, everyone is stupid in varying degrees) then he is just contradicting his own personality. Why there has to be a frame defining a person?
Why we need the frames?
My point is, how many can accept the changes in a person? Major changes! These may or may not be permanent changes; for some significant reasons, out of the blue, or for no reason at all? How well can we accept people changing? Or people failing to strictly stay within the boundaries of their frame? The frame given to them by the society.